Suicide: I will be heard

It's about 3:47. Usually I'm dozing at this time but somehow i could not get the sandman to come over today. 

Any-hoo, I go to the usual YouTubing and come across this song by the band - The Amity Affliction.

Pittsburgh is a song which speaks about Joel Birch's (vocalist) suicidal tendencies. If you have the time, then check out the video pasted in the link down below. It's amazing!

The video and the song in it self, makes people reflect on their personal lives. I myself suffered a great dark time in my life and in all honesty, 2014 was the darkest year of my life and brought me to a point where — to me — the thought of dying was a growing alternative to dealing with the pain and anxiety I was suffering. However, by the grace of God I’m still here smile emoticon

I know deep down inside some of those people who mock the subject live in fear of what they do not understand. It is easy to be on the outside of a situation behind a computer and make bold judgmental statements. I stand in strength knowing I had the guts to tell my story, so to quote a great song by HateBreed “I WILL BE HEARD.”

-The vain attempts of the few do not out weigh the large majority of you who reached out to me in support and solidarity.-

That my friends was a powerful sign to me! At the very least people are talking about the topic for better of worse.

So I say to you, reading this: You are not alone in this world. If you are depressed or suicidal, talk to someone! If not your parents, then your friends — a relative. Even just a random person who will listen. You will be amazed at the relief and clarity you can get from just simply talking about what you feel or think.

This life is fleeting and beautiful, with so many possibilities. There are ways to start your life over or heal from a traumatizing situation. God is real; he does love you regardless of how much we humans confuse, berate or dismiss his existence. We all come from different places and walks of life, but we all need to be loved or feel like we have a place in this world. If you have a friend who is suffering from any sort of depression, reach out to them, let them know you are here for them. Show love to those you care for and tell them how you feel, it may be your last chance to help them.

I would personally like to thank those people who were there in my time of need of whose names I will not mention. Thank you for your prayers and support.

Muchas Gracias mi Amigos !! :D

Here's the Link to the song - www.youtube.com/watch?v=vu3xGr-lNVI

Heard nuff'. Grow some and try something new!

I truly love it when a band has the balls to do what they want and switch it up. Fans may not "get it" or want something similar to what they are used to. I grow tired of hearing people who want bands just to produce a copy of a record they love that was from years ago. As an artist it is healthy to take risks and push forward.

Crushed - This new Parkway Drive song is so good and I'm not just saying cause I'm a huge fan and basically have them as my FB cover picture! Regardless - It is different, yes and has a hooky chorus for sure, but that is why I think it is good! Also Winston kills it on the vocals, both songs he sounds controlled and strong!

Regardless of what genre you are die hard into or how "hard" you like music, this is good music and I salute Parkway Drive, great group of dudes as well.

So far so good my friends and bands from the local scene, well done & keeping "doing you." There are enough "samey" bands out there playing it safe, nice to hear something new. To me this is Parkway Drive finding their stride for a new chapter. I like what I have heard and knowing those guys, this is the type of album they set out to make. Cheers guys! Can't wait for the album to drop.

Make sure to check out the song in the given link and big "Thumbs Up" to support their music!

                                                            =>  Crushed <=

I heard nothing....

"Am I better off dead? Am I better off a quitter?
And they say I'm better off now, than I ever was with her..."


As my friends take me to the local downtown, i'm smiling but i'm dying, trying not to drag my feet.

Then they say a few drinks will help me to forget her, but after one too many I know that I'll never.
Only they can’t see where this is gonna end, they all think i'm crazy but to me it's perfect sense.

And my mates are all there trying to calm me down, cause i'm shouting your name all over town!
I'm swearing if I go there now, i can change her mind, turn it all around!

So I stumble here and there along the railings and the fences. I know if we're face to face then she'll come to her senses.
Every drunk step I take leads me to her door, maybe if she sees how much I'm hurting, she'll take me back for sure.

I know that I'm drunk but I’ll say the words and maybe she'll listen this time even though they’re slurred.


So I, dialed her number and confessed to her - I'm still in LOVE but all I heard
was nothing. 

Life begun at 2008

As most of my friends know that i live and breath music. My first try at song writing was - i think during  late 2008. I scribble a lot and most of my stuff ends up in the dustbin. But this was my first full fledged lyric - so please don't be too critical. Hehe

Funny thing about this is when i wrote this, it was without any intention of dedication. But now it's ironic that I'm facing this situation. Its like I wrote a song for the future me! Anyway here it is, it's called - Be with you

P.S - At that time i used to listen to lot of Green Day, Sum 41 and Blink 182 so you know whats coming.

BE WITH YOU

VERSE ONE

Won't shed a tear now cause of you cause it really makes me weak.

All those things of yesterday still lingers me when i sleep.

All the fake goodbyes , 

The thing that really hurts me is to see you cry.

I wish i could hang on to you , cause the thing i really want is to...

CHORUS

Be with you...

Its the only thing i never managed to...

Be with you...

I dunno whether we"ll be together soon...

But i close my eyes and wish that it were true...

Be with you !!

VERSE TWO

I never bothered to the things you said , they were just like echoes to me in the dark.

I never thought that you would leave and now my whole world is torn apart.

Wish i had a another try...

Wish i could hold your hands and soar to the skies...

I'm sorry we couldn't last...

Try to move on , but my past pulls be right back...

Wish i could hang on to you , cause the thing i really want is to...

Be with you...

Its the only thing i never managed to...

Be with you...

I dunno whether we"ll be together soon...

But i close my eyes and wish that it were true...

Be with you !!

BRIDGE

Never thought i would feel so bad ,

Since your gone my radar's gone off track.

I would swim through the Seven oceans '

In the hope that you would take me back.

But now you're gone and things are never the same ,

I sit in the corner and call out your name.

Shouting , screaming , taking the blaming ...

I only hope that i could see you again...

Be with you...

Its the only thing i never managed to...

Be with you...

I dunno whether we"ll be together soon...

But i close my eyes and wish that it were true...

Be with you !!

 

Yepp that's the little rocker :P

Farewell... but wait we are gonna meet again. So this is more like - see you soon?

Death.. it is kinda intimidating. The fear of leaving behind everyone and everything that you love, that can get to you. But why is "Death" treated to be like something.... bad. Why is it that the general idea that people have about death is that it is the worst thing that could happen to a person? 

Just like it is okay to miss someone and feel sad about it, why can't we treat the two similarly? Everyone will experience death. Is it not an inevitable part of life? After all, we are just human.

Now would i want the people i love and care to come back to my life after they die? Of course - who wouldn't. I would do anything to spend a another day to get some advice about my life by grandfather. I would love to have one last jam session with Tin Tin and tell him that his face looks like someone punched a drunk gorilla. And i would definitely love to go out with my uncle and eat all all kinds of street food that we would come across.... and in that moment i would tell him how much i love him and am grateful for playing such an inspirational role in my life.

But the fact of the matter is that - i CAN'T. 

Yes, it makes me feel sad but it does not disappoint me. 

I always believe that everything happens for a reason and god has a wonderful plan for each and everyone one in this world. Sometimes it is hard and confusing to understand that - " Why does it have to be that way? ". Believe me, i ask myself the same question everyday, but as my pretty mother always says "Everything is gonna be alright in the end", i believe her. I don't have solid proof to justify that everything is gonna be alright but one thing i know is that i trust her and she has never disappointed me. If that makes me a blind believer then yes sire i am.

No, i don't not believe in "KARMA". I sure as hell do not believe that if i do enough good things in this life, my chances of being born as a toilet brush in the next is comparatively less. 
What i do believe is God and i believe as i mentioned before that he has a plan for us all. 

I do not want to go into preach mode right cause i'm the last person that anyone would want to  hear all this from. But i'm grateful for the people who are not here with me anymore but sad too as they are not here with us. Grateful for inspiring me, loving me and teaching me that everything is gonna be alright IN THE END.

"Say not in grief that he is no more - but live in thankfulness that he was...."

You got me

When the fear takes you down

When the doubt takes you under
When you sink like a stone and you can’t breathe
When the tears take control
When the demons take over
Won’t be in this alone
You got me....

When the walls all cave in
When the nights all get colder
When you hang by a thread of sanity
Rest your head on my heart
Hang your pain on my shoulders
Make your way to my arms
Cause you got me....

I’ll be the one to lead you home
I’ll be the one to keep you warm
I’ll take you in out of the storm
When you can’t stand I’ll stand up for you

When the fear takes you down
When the doubt takes you under
You’re not in this alone
You got me....

"Someday you will look back and laugh..."

“Someday you’ll look back and laugh”

This phrase has been a mantra of sorts for me for the past few years. I have suffered through depression and anxiety, and have hit rock bottom in my life more than once. I have lost sleep, stressing about how I was gonna make it to the next day. I have had numerous ups and downs in my life, I have lost dear friends and lost touch with others. However, as I look back on my life and reflect, I feel a strong sense of understanding and purpose.

I firmly believe everything we go through, all of our struggle and suffering, has a reason — a lesson, if you will. It is difficult when you are currently in a tough spot to see outside of your situation and reflect. Often times, when we push through and persevere, we have clarity and perspective. I find that perspective is so important and very necessary for personal growth.

The most important thing I have been able to take with me from all I have been through is understanding fear. Fear drives many people whether it is a lack of fear, a respect for fear or being overtaken and controlled by fear. Can you stand in the face of death, death of a loved one or the mortality of self and not be effected? There is a hidden fear even in the most fearless of us…I could go on.

To come to a conclusion, I come to laughter. What an amazing and beautiful thing laughter is. My sense of humor has been a great tool for me to cope and ease the pressure in my life. Whether its laughter among friends, laughter when watching a movie, a comedian, your favorite show or perhaps, more importantly, laughter at oneself, laughter is good medicine — period.

Some of my darkest times in life have led to some of my deepest laughter, in retrospect…now, when I say that, I am using it figuratively as well as literally. I have had moments where I look back and remember the struggle, I remember the pain and I have been able to feel relief and at times, even just sit and laugh…sometimes until the tears come.

Trust me, laughter literally and figuratively played a huge part in my life…and still does. Just remember no matter what you are going through, “This too shall pass” and when it does, for the love of life, reflect…appreciate and look back. And laugh.